Ask Prongs
by HoshizoraTsubasano
Summary: Hogwarts is full of issues and problems. And Mr. Prongs is the only one who can help them out!


Dear Prongs,

I think my friend might be gay. What do I do?

FriendOfGayPerson

Dear FriendOfGayPerson,

Go and talk to Sirius or Remus. They'll help you.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Stop trying to go out with me.

Lily

Dear Lily,

Why should I?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Boxers or briefs?

Curios

Dear Curios,

Boxers

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Sirius never goes out with me! What can I do to make him notice me?

SiriusFan

Dear SiriusFan,

Get a sex change, then ask him again.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

How can I confuse Snape?

SnapeHater 

Dear SnapeHater,

You can a) put in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner, or b) give him a piece of parchment that has 'P.T.O' on both sides.

Prongs

Dear Prongs, 

What does a Polyjuice Potion do?

PotionChallenged

Dear PotionChallenged,

This and that.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

What is love?

Abby

Dear Abby,

But a kiss on a rainy day..

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Remus and I aren't gay. Shut up.

Moony and Padfoot

Dear Moony and Padfoot,

Yes you are. No, I won't

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Can you make Snape un-stupid?

Gale

Dear Gale,

Their might be a way. Either he needs counseling, or just a good hug. Or both.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Will Harry marry Hermione?

Ayu-chan

Dear Ayu-chan

Who?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Why doesn't Hermione want a bite of my pizza?

Travis

Dear Travis,

Who's Hermione? What flavor pizza? Can I have some?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Is Harry Voldemort's son on Feburary 29?

Ayusuke

Dear Ayusuke,

Who's Harry? And who's Voldemort? Why Feburary 29?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

I recieved a wand from Hogwarts in the mail, and accidentally turned my sister into a pile of sweaty socks. Is there a method for reversing the effect? If there is, can you please make it null and void? I like my sister better this way 3

Lauscho

Dear Lauscho,

Put her in the washing machine.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Is the food at the Hogwarts express going to cause food poisoning, cause I need a present to send to Pansy and Draco.

Ayumu

Dear Ayumu,

Who? Also, I'll get the house elves to do it if you TELL ME WHO THE HECK DRACO AND PANSY ARE.

Prongs.

Dear Prongs,

Do you know who Bunbun McBunbun is?

Lausch

Dear Lausch,

Does he know the Muffin Man?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Will I be an artist?

Osaka

Dear Osaka,

Who do I look like, Professor Trelawny?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Give me back my hairbrush.

Mr. Lockheart

Dear Mr. Lockheart,

No.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

If I have 9 cows, and all but 4 die, how many am I left with?

Ongaku

Dear Ongaku,

Not enough cows.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Is the world round like a pineapple cake?

Kasuga

Dear Kasuga,

That depends. Is the moon a pizza pie?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

If spam tastes so good, why is it so wrong?

Hamincanisspam

Dear Hamincanisspam,

It is?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Do you like swords? I like swords 3

AAAAAARGH

Dear AAAAAARGH,

Yes I do.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

A blind man walks into a bar

Woof

Dear Woof,

OUCH

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

My band thinks I'm wierd because I asked for only green M&M's on my tour rider. Should I get a new band?

Ongy

Dear Ongy,

No. Get new M&Ms.

Prongs

Dear Prongs

What cute songs are there?

desu

Dear desu,

Musical ones.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

My friend gets a kick out of showing me nude pics of Hermione that he found on the interweb. What should I do about this?

ewwhentai

Dear ewwhentai

make him get a punch out of it instead.

Prongs

Deer Pronnns,

So I wlks intoo ths bar and gets reel drukns, and i heav a hedachefr noew. i fell liek iim gunnni bee scik...

Drunken

Dear Drunken,

Just don't be sick on me, k?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

I'm going through a crisis, my name is BunBun McBunbun and I heard about you from a secret service. Will you teach me the ways of telepathy and juice extraction through artful thinking lolz?

Bunbun McBunbun

Dear Bunbun McBunbun

Talk to the Muffin Man.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Where is the muffin man or mr mcbun i want to talk to them in my hut of love

3

Dear 3,

Dreary Lane

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive, make your time.

nyahaha

Dear nyahaha

wht u say?

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

pokes

oi

Dear oi,

stabs

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

Does sausage patty cakes instant win among the socialites? Especially around Mr. McBunBun and bunbun the emperor. What do you think?

omg

Dear omg,

Yes. Think? I don't think. I KNOW.

Prongs

Dear Prongs,

If blood is thicker than water, how do you account for ice?

That Man

Dear That Man,

Ice IS water.

Prongs


End file.
